


Until here

by whitenoise1815



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, The Sun and the Stars (A SoonSeok Fic Fest), failed attempt at writing angst and fluff, fluff??, hi wonwoo, implied!seokju, seoksoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 21:25:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11299155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitenoise1815/pseuds/whitenoise1815
Summary: At 6 am, he concludes he’s been in love with his best friend and has been constantly in denial for years. 15 minutes on the clock and Soonyoung finds himself staring at the ceiling, hoping Seokmin feels the same way too.





	Until here

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time writing a fic and this actually took so long than I've expected. I'm so sorry to the mods of the ficfest for going wayyy past the deadline. But please enjoy, nonetheless! Also, a big thanks to Valerie *wink wink* for helping me out! ♡

He watches the raindrops fall down the window pane and sips the black coffee placed in his table hours ago. For the first time, Soonyoung can’t taste the bitterness like as if his tongue has gone numb. He didn’t like coffee at all, but for some reasons, he felt like he needed it; the bitterness of it. Feeling betrayed after the tasteless sip of coffee, Soonyoung continue to wonder when the rain would stop so he could finally go home until he saw a familiar figure walking down the street on the opposite side of the road.

He was so sure it was him, those pretty eyes and tall nose bridge he used to stare at night until he drifts away to dreamland.

“He’s still the same; handsome as ever.”

He watches the man stop by at the flower shop opposite the coffee shop he’s currently in. _Oh he’s picking up red roses… For his girlfriend?_ Soonyoung quickly erases the thought in his mind but got replaced by something not better than the previous one.

“…he looks _happier_ now.” Soonyoung sighs and hastily gets up and grabs his things. He heads out and looks up the sky to see the sun attempting to peek out from the gray clouds. He tries to find a way not to pass by the flower shop to avoid crossing paths with the guy he just saw, but Soonyoung couldn’t risk getting in a car accident or taking a longer road as the sky starts to look darker again.

He decides he could just pretend he didn’t know him in case they collide.

As the traffic light turned red, Soonyoung hurriedly crossed the street. But with his head down low, he could barely see the road and abruptly bumped into someone. He quickly says his apologies and tries to run away but he feels warm heat covering his whole body instead and soon he’s in a tight embrace with someone.  

“Kwon… Soonyoung?”

“…No. I’m not Kwon Soonyoung.”

“Oh but you are! Soonyoungie hyung, long time no see!”

And there it was. He’s doomed. He feels fear seep into his veins as he looks up to those unchanging bright eyes looking at him. He shuts his eyes close and avoids eye contact.

“Hyung, please look at me.” The man begs and Soonyoung just can’t resist the pleading tone he’s currently hearing so he eventually obeys. But as soon as he opened his eyes, he can see the man’s gaze change to a very sad emotion.

“I’ve missed you a lot. I haven’t seen you since… since _you left_ ,” _Ah… that day. The day I ran away from everything._ “…and if it’s okay with you, can we catch up some other time?”

Soonyoung wanted to refuse and run away for the second time, but his heart tells him that maybe… just maybe… something good might come out from this sudden encounter, so he clings unto that small hope formed inside him right from the moment he saw Lee Seokmin across the street.

 

-

They first met when Soonyoung was forced by his mom to visit their new neighbors, the Lee family. Contrary to his first impression of Seokmin, a shy and quiet guy, he turned out to be really loud and friendly. Soonyoung really didn’t think they would get along so well from the start. They both know how to have fun while also being sensitive of each other, and Soonyoung likes this fact very much.

Lee Seokmin just fills up every missing piece in the imperfect Kwon Soonyoung.

 

There are times when Soonyoung isn’t sure why he gets flustered every time they play pretend as if they’ve been married for years. He doesn’t know why he just couldn’t think straight every time they meet each other’s eyes. He reasons that it’s just the effect of watching a bunch of dramas lately, but he’s also not entirely sure why he entertains the thought of having romantic feelings for his best friend at the age of thirteen.

 

Seokmin has been too nice to him lately, Soonyoung noticed. It might have been just Soonyoung’s imagination but there are times when the younger acts older than him. They could even pass as same-aged friends with how Seokmin has been frequently dropping formality in their everyday conversations (but Soonyoung really doesn’t mind either way). When Soonyoung feels down, Seokmin always knows the right words to say to make him feel better.

And for some reasons, he likes the attention he’s been receiving from the younger more than usual.

 

Maybe it’s because they’ve been constantly sleeping over at each other’s house for years that Soonyoung has now memorized every inch of Seokmin’s features. They’ve always slept together in one bed because neither of them wanted to sleep on the floor.

At 5:30 in the morning, he plays with the younger’s hair strands as he thinks of how beautiful his morning has always been when he sees Seokmin sleeping soundly beside him as soon as he opens his eyes.

“I love,” he carefully whispers into nothing, “I lo… no, nevermind.” He halts himself from saying those words in reality and just continues to stroke Seokmin’s hair.

At 6 am, he concludes he’s been _in love_ with his best friend and has been constantly in denial for years. 15 minutes have passed and the bed creaks as Seokmin wakes up. He pretends to be asleep while the younger heads straight to the bathroom. Soonyoung finds himself staring at the ceiling at 6:15am and hopes Seokmin feels the same way too.

_Seokmin awakes as Soonyoung pets his hair. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet and just enjoys the way Soonyoung plays with his hair. He waits, and waits for a perfect timing to surprise the older, and unexpectedly, he hears Soonyoung speak in silence. “I love... I lo… no, nevermind.”_

_For the first time, he felt his heart stop._

 

Soonyoung swears he’s not insane _yet_. He feels crazy now that Seokmin’s gaze towards him now feels like he feels the same way too. Sometimes, Soonyoung could just melt by the way Seokmin stares at him sometimes.

 

Soonyoung wants to confess.

He has to confess everything he feels for Seokmin immediately before he bursts out.

He needs to say those three words so they could finally get their happy ending.

He’s tired of pretending he doesn’t mean it when he jokingly says _‘I love you’s_ to Seokmin.

He’s tired of pretending he doesn’t like how Seokmin always replies back an _‘I love you too’_.

 

“Soonyoung-ah! You’re not with Seokmin?” Wonwoo asked him after they bumped each other on the way home.

Soonyoung nodded. “He said he has something important to do.”

“I saw him a while ago at the bus stop with a girl.”

_A girl?_

Wonwoo added, “Yeah, a really pretty one with long straight black hair.”

_Long straight black hair?_

“You probably saw him with Choi Yuna. She’s just a friend.”

“Friend? Ya, I saw them holding hands! Man, Seokmin’s a grown up now.”

Soonyoung’s eyes widened and his lips dryed. He wanted to say something but alas, nothing’s coming out. He hurriedly excused himself and ran away, afraid of hearing any more information.

 

Soonyoung decides to confront Seokmin a week after the encounter with Wonwoo. He starts opening his mouth and thinks of things to say. His mind goes blank when he looks at the younger’s pretty eyes, completely forgetting about the reason why he called Seokmin to the rooftop.

“Hyung.” Seokmin speaks up, pulling Soonyoung out of trance.

Soonyoung panics, all the screws in his head went undone. He suddenly blurts out an “I love you. Please don’t leave me.”

Seokmin stared at Soonyoung for a long time, his expressions constantly changing that Soonyoung can’t comprehend what Seokmin felt about this. The silence breaks when Seokmin let out an awkward laugh.

“Don’t worry, hyung! You’re my best friend. I won’t leave you. Never.” He brings Soonyoung to his arms and tightly hugs him.

They haven’t seen each other for a while after that incident. For some reasons, Soonyoung feels like Seokmin has been avoiding him. He didn’t know what happened or what went wrong, so he bites his fingernails anxiously, thinking of an explanation to the change in their relationship.

_“What if he found out and he hates me for it…?”_

The first time he sees Seokmin after a long time was in front of a coffee shop near the school. Seokmin wasn’t alone though as he was chatting gleefully with a pretty girl beside him.

He was about to say ‘hi’ to them, and was about a foot away when he overheard Seokmin saying, “I can’t believe he fell in love with me. I just- I can’t look at him the same way, also not when I’m in love with you.”

 

-

 

 “Be honest with me. When did you find out about my feelings for you?”

“…..”

“Seok-“

“… _on your birthday._ ”

“Liar.”

“ _I’m sorry._ ”

“Okay. This is a waste of time now. Just please, please answer me honestly for once.”

“ _Okay, I promise._ ”

“Did you avoid me because you knew about my feelings or because of Choi Yuna?”

“…..”

“Please.”

“…..”

“I beg you…. I need to have a piece of mind.”

“.. _yes, both, I mean… I don’t know, maybe…_ ”

“I really hate people who don’t get to the point at once.”

“ _I’m sorry.”_

“Why are you apologizing? Anyway, thanks for telling me the truth.”

“ _I… didn’t answer your question properly, though._ ”

“It’s okay. I still got the answers. I’m hanging up. Bye.”

“ _No, w-…_ ”

_Beep beep beep.._

_-_

“So can I have you solo this time?”

“Yeah, of course, it’s my best friend’s birthday! We should celebrate together!”

They spent Soonyoung’s birthday like how they’ve always done it. Soonyoung can’t help but think about the ‘what if’s’ and ‘what they could’ve been’s’ when he didn’t harbor these emotions for his best friend.

 

The sun’s about to set and Soonyoung can feel the bitter ending. They arrive in front of Soonyoung’s house when Soonyoung opened up his mouth.

“I’m leaving.”

Confused to see a serious expression pasted in the older’s face, Seokmin weakly replies, “Okay? So, uhh, see you tomorrow?”

Soonyoung sighs. “I mean permanently. I’m moving tomorrow. You won’t be able to see me again.”

Dumbfounded, Seokmin brushes his hair to the back and tries not to show his temper. “What do you mean? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Honestly, we barely even see each other. You kept avoiding me and I don’t know what to do anymore to get your attention. Thank you for spending my birthday with me. I was happy.”

As Soonyoung turns his back, Seokmin takes a hold of his wrist. Soonyoung tried to not let go of the tears that were threatening to fall, but everything was too much for him to handle. For once, he becomes selfish and lets his tears fall down.

 

For a long time, they stayed like that, looking at each other’s eyes, finding answers, with no words spoken in between. With clenched fists and tear-stained face, Soonyoung finally speaks up, “What am I to you?”

“You’re my… best friend…”

“Then don’t make me misunderstand everything. I love you, okay? Not like a friend, but something more. So please let go of me now, I’m tired of everything.”

“I’m sorry for making you misunderstand everything… I’m sorry.”

Seeing Seokmin unaffected by his sudden confession, Soonyoung tries to fake a smile, “You’re not even hiding the fact that you already knew… It’s okay! You don’t have to say sorry. I just wanted to tell you how I feel before I… before I leave you. This could also help me erase my stupid feelings for you. And who knows maybe we could start anew, like as friends?”

Somehow, Seokmin feels betrayed after hearing Soonyoung’s statement. He’s still his best friend even if he rejected his confession. He still has the right to know about it, but if this could give them the chance to become friends again, he’s willing to let go of his hyung.

“Okay, I guess this will be our last… Hyung, we can still be friends, right? You’ll come back, right?”

“Friends… Yeah sure.”

 

-

Classical music filled the air. The atmosphere was very relaxing inside the coffee shop, unlike the air surrounding the two people facing each other right now in silence. They got there ten minutes ago, got their ordered drinks and still no words were exchanged. Unable to take the silence, Seokmin finally speaks up, “you broke your promise.”

“I did not.”

“But you never came back.”

“How could I come back when I still feel something for you? How could I come back when you only wanted us to be friends when I know for myself that I want something more than that with you?!”

This time, Soonyoung isn’t crying. He’s mad. He’s angry at how pitiful he has become, and how he can’t seem to forget about the younger.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. I regret everything I did to you. Please forgive me. I realized I needed you more than anyone else, so I searched for you everywhere. You didn’t even give me a single clue, but I heard you were around this area so I travelled all the way here to finally bump into you and tell you how much… I like you… too…”

 _“_ Seokmin-ah. _”_

 _“_ Hyung… Tell me you still feel the same.”

Somehow, Soonyoung feels indifferent. He’s supposed to be blissful because his feelings can now be returned _, but instead he utters the words he knew could put him in peace and help him move on._

_"Let’s stop this here.”_


End file.
